yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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