oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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