I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize