Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
