She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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