Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
