I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
