she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize