guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
