Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
