im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
