I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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