dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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