Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He passed out mid-signature
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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