I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
