ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize