idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My bed smells like the plague
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
