I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
