Me. At least after what I've been through.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
