It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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