matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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