i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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