do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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