Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
