At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
