hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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