i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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