If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
