He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
