Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
