I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
