Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
