babies were throwing up all over the place
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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