last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
