uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
