Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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