Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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