Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize