ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
