I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dear god my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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