rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
