NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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