Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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