Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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