just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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