while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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