You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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