I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
