Plan B is the new Plan A
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
