oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
