i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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