Your face is a jimmy john
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
