I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize