Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
