we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you win again, gameday.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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