I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nutella sex= disaster
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
