i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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