hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
