I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize