Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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