dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
