Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's Friday. Sex?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
