VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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