no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
