my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
