yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize