a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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