a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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