i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
