I think my vagina is haunted
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
