He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
