i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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