So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
