this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize