And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
