fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
