I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
