I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
