So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
