pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
