If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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