my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
please don't ironically join a cult
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