just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
