Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
