I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
