i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
