I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
