I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
