I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
