Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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