I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize