If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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