i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
