I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
