She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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