Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize