I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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