some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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