I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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