i think my tv is drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
