i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
