Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
