my soul wont recognize me after tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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