He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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