the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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