TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
