you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
