Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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