The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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