Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
