I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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