She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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