Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
