is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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