I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
