I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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