She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
