My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
